Are You a People Pleaser? Take the Quiz to Find Out!
The term “people pleaser” doesn’t exactly have a positive connotation. It may call to mind someone who is a “pushover” or easily manipulated. So, it isn’t surprising that I often speak with clients who are hesitant to admit just how much of a people pleaser they truly are. Below is a little quiz to help you analyze your tendencies to place others’ needs before you own.
On a scale of 1-5, with 1 being “Not at all” and 5 being “Very much so,” how accurately do the following statements describe you? (Note: You’ll find a couple of possible examples below each statement to help guide your responses.)
I Avoid Conflict at All Costs
Ex. 1: I watched several episodes of a TV show I disliked because I didn’t want to ask my partner if we could watch something else.
Ex. 2: I completed a project the wrong way because I was afraid to question my superior’s instructions.
I Just Want People to Like Me
Ex. 1: I invited someone to an event with the explicit hope that they would include me in their plans next time.
Ex. 2: I change the things I talk about and the way I act around certain people to fit in.
Helping Others is Very Important to Me
Ex. 1: I rearranged my entire schedule to help a friend move, even though they told me they had plenty of help already.
Ex. 2: I neglected housework so I could bake cookies for the neighbors.
If I Say No, I’ll Feel Guilty
Ex. 1: I told a coworker I was too busy to help them with a project, then spent the rest of the day apologizing.
Ex. 2: I told my partner I didn’t want to eat at a certain restaurant, so we ate somewhere else but I felt so bad that I couldn’t enjoy the meal.
I Can’t Think of Anything Worse than Rejection
Ex. 1: I don’t speak my mind around my partner for fear they will change their mind about wanting to be with me.
Ex. 2: I worry that if I don’t fill out a report exactly the way my boss wants me to, then I’ll be fired or severely reprimanded.
I Can’t Stand the Thought of Disappointing Someone
Ex. 1: Once I make plans with someone, I never cancel on them, no matter how stressful or inconvenient it might become.
Ex. 2: I often spend too much time proofreading and making minor changes to my work before turning it in, even when I know it’s meeting expectations.
I Never Ask for Anything, But Feel Resentment when Others Don’t Notice my Needs
Ex. 1: On special occasions, I go out of my way to get a card or gift for everyone in my life and feel hurt if they don’t do the same for me.
Ex. 2: I was upset when I asked a coworker about their weekend plans and listened to them for 10 minutes, but they never asked me about my own plans.
I Never Take Time for Myself
Ex. 1: I would love to take a vacation, but too many people depend on my being here.
Ex. 2: I keep telling myself I’m going to take time for self-care, but there is always something more important that needs doing.
So...Are You a People Pleaser?
Add up the numbers of all your answers. The highest possible score is a 40. The higher the number, the more of a people pleaser you are. Did you score high? Guess what, that’s okay! Having people-pleasing tendencies isn’t all bad. It can mean you genuinely want to help others or that you take joy in making loved ones happy or that you have the ability to empathize with multiple viewpoints.
However, people pleasing comes with its negative side effects. You might be building up resentment towards those closest to you because you’re always bending over backwards to please them but they rarely seem to notice or return the effort. You may swing between high highs when people seem to like you and low lows when they don’t. You could be so burnt out from denying your own needs that you can no longer meet anyone else’s needs.
Want to Become a Recovering People Pleaser?
If you’re ready to further explore your people-pleasing behavior and learn how you can make healthy adjustments, let’s work on it together. I’m Ashley Pichardo, a licensed mental health counselor, and I love helping people pleasers overcome their desire to make everyone else happy at the expense of their own happiness. When you’re ready, reach out to me to get started.
