Understanding Willingness & Willfulness
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a form of therapy that teaches people specific skills to address four areas that can improve overall health and wellbeing. The four areas are emotional regulation, mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, and distress tolerance. While I don’t usually delve into DBT in my therapy practice, I do recognize the many benefits of the knowledge people gain through improving DBT skills, especially related to distress tolerance.
We are under more stress than ever before, so working on strategies to manage the impact of stress on our lives can be extremely beneficial. One of the tools used in DBT to improve distress tolerance is learning to move from a willfulness mindset to one of greater willingness. In this blog, we’ll take a look at what that means.
What Is Willfulness?
Willful is a word often used to talk about children. When they meet opposition, children throw tantrums, refuse to work to address the challenge, or give up without even trying. While this mindset isn’t typically helpful, it can be easy to fall into because life’s challenges feel like an uphill battle. In terms of the way we meet stresses, willfulness might look like refusing to find solutions, relying on other people to “fix” things when they go wrong, or giving into self-pity.
What Is Willingness?
Willingness is the opposite of willfulness. In a willingness mindset, the person becomes open to what the world presents them with. Rather than shutting down when difficulties arise, the individual is open to finding new ways to approach challenges and turmoil. They look for solutions, and even more importantly, they assume there will be a solution. Willingness is about being open to making progress and achieving change.
How Can I Develop Willingness?
Like most dichotomies, the idea that willfulness is always bad and willingness is always good is false. There are situations where recognizing your limits and choosing to walk away from a source of stress is the best option. However, when you’re working toward positive change, being open to a willingness mindset can make a difference. If you’re interested in transitioning to greater willingness instead of willfulness, consider the following steps:
Take note of willful thoughts, how they make you feel, and the actions you want to take
Embrace willfulness as part of your experience while also recognizing a need for greater willingness
If you feel tensions rise due to willfulness, try to relax your body by tightening and then relaxing muscles
Each time willfulness arises (even if it happens repeatedly), try to consider how willingness could change the way a situation impacts you
Interested in Learning More?
I’m Ashley Pichardo, a licensed mental health counselor working with clients in New York and New Jersey. While I don’t utilize DBT in my therapy sessions, I can help you develop strategies and tools to confront life’s challenges and stresses, including helping to transition into a mindset of greater willingness. If you’d like to learn more, please call (917) 522-1418, email contact@apichardotherapy.com, or complete my online scheduling request form.
