Top 3 Tips to Cope with Difficult Relatives during the Holidays
You spend the whole year avoiding your most difficult relatives. You time visits home just right, so you don’t have to talk to that one cousin who always wants to dispense life advice you didn’t ask for. You never answer the phone when your casually racist aunt calls. You duck out of family gatherings when your grandma starts talking about politics again. We all have these family members who push our buttons. While we find ways to minimize contact with them most of the year, the holiday season can make it challenging to avoid them entirely. When you do have to see your difficult relatives during the holidays, consider our top three coping strategies described below or reach out to talk about the benefits of therapy when navigating holiday stress.
1 – Harness Your Inner Elsa & Let It Go
We’re going to start with this coping strategy for one reason – it’s easier said than done. Despite our best efforts to just ignore rude remarks and spend time with loved ones who truly care about us, it can be extremely difficult to let it go when someone who is supposed to love us says or does things that make us feel bad about ourselves. However, if you only have to deal with that loved one once a year at the holidays, the best strategy may be to just dig deep and find a way to let it go. They aren’t going to play a huge role in your life, and their opinions and behaviors aren’t something that you need to care about. If it’s a loved one you see more often or one who is particularly egregious in their behaviors, letting it go may not be an option.
2 – Embrace Your Inner Superhero & Practice Your One Line Comebacks
Even if you’re not much of a superhero person, you’ve likely seen at least one superhero movie, which means you’ve heard some of those great comebacks the superhero always seem to have ready before the fight even begins. Maybe they do prepare those one liners in advance, and so can you. Before a potentially difficult encounter with family, take some time to practice your superhero-style comebacks. You don’t have to be mean or insult anyone back. Instead, consider these remarks as you putting a halt to issues before they begin. You could say something like:
I know you feel the need to share your opinion because you care. I appreciate that, but I just don’t agree. Can we focus on the holiday today?
This is who I am. Not a choice, but we’ve talked about this before. Let’s not get stuck in the same disagreement again today. Let’s enjoy the holiday instead.
I know you wish I would settle down and have kids, but I haven’t found the right person/that may not be in my life plan. Why focus on that when we have so many loved ones here with us?
We don’t see each other often. I know you feel like it’s important to offer advice when we do, but I’m perfectly happy and doing great. Let’s talk about something else, and I’ll come chat with you later if there’s anything I need help with.
3 – Be More Empathetic & Walk a Mile in Their Shoes
Our loved ones know exactly which buttons to push to make us go from absolutely fine to completely pissed off in seconds. It would be a pretty impressive skill if it wasn’t so infuriating. Practicing empathetic listening can help reduce your anger and frustration with loved ones, making their difficult behaviors a little easier to manage. When someone you find yourself often angry or frustrated with is speaking to you, try to consider their perspective before you respond. You absolutely don’t need to agree or change your mind, but by recognizing their perspective and the life choices and experiences that shaped it, you may have greater compassion for them. This means less anger, frustration, and sadness at the next holiday gathering.
Bonus Recommendation – Come Chat with Me
If you’re having a difficult time with loved ones or just feel stressed, anxious, depressed, or otherwise not your best during the holidays, let’s talk about it. Getting started working with me is quick and easy. Just take a few moments to give me a call at (917) 522-1418, email contact@apichardotherapy.com, or book online today.
