People Pleaser Type: The Care-Taker
Each month from now through the end of this year, I’m going to focus on one of the five types of people pleasers identified in July’s blog, “Not All People Pleasers Are Created Equal.” (If you haven’t read it yet, you can do so here. You can also take the initial “Are You a People Pleaser” quiz here.)
This month, we’re highlighting The Care-Taker.
Who Is the Care-Taker?
Often, the Care-taker is perceived as warm and hospitable, someone who enthusiastically considers the needs of others. This type of people pleaser believes it’s their responsibility to literally “take care of” everyone else. While being considerate is an admirable trait, the Care-Taker’s fatal flaw is taking care of everyone but themselves. Not only that, but they’re often unable or unwilling to clearly express their own needs and desires. Their silence can leave those closest to them completely oblivious to the Care-Taker’s inner struggles. Meanwhile, resentment might be slowly building because no one seems willing to reciprocate the same TLC they dish out every day.
This all leads to one pressing problem: Who takes care of the Care-Taker?
Am I a Care-Taker?
Do any of these statements describe you?
I will gladly rearrange my schedule or neglect my personal responsibilities to do something kind for a friend or neighbor.
I refuse to ask for help because I never want to be a burden to anyone else.
I always wake up to check on the baby, no matter how exhausted I am because I don’t want my partner to lose any sleep.
I must make sure all of my guests are comfortable, fed, and enjoying themselves before I can eat or enjoy myself.
From Care-Taker to Care-Receiver
Being a Care-Taker comes with obvious strengths, such as intuition, compassion, generosity, and selflessness. You’re like a warm and inviting welcome mat, bringing people together in peace and comfort. And much like a well-worn mat, you get walked all over. It’s not uncommon for you to feel annoyed by the lack of consideration from others. But here’s the thing: not everyone is like you.
A Care-Taker can make the tragic mistake of assuming that everyone else is equally attuned to the needs of others. This is simply not the case. True, some may take advantage of your generous spirit, but most people probably just have no clue that you’re struggling in the first place. We all know what happens when you assume, so let’s not do that! Practice voicing your needs and asking for help. You might be surprised how many people genuinely want to take care of you, too.
Need Some Support as You Move from Care-Taker to Care-Receiver?
Therapy can help you through the vulnerable transition from the person giving care to the one receiving it. If you’re looking for someone to help you identify and understand your people pleasing tendencies, I’m Ashley Pichardo, a licensed mental health counselor, and I’m here to help. When you’re ready, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
