People Pleaser Type: The Anticipator
Each month this fall, we are focusing on a different one of the five types of people pleasers covered in July’s, “Not All People Pleasers Are Created Equal.” (If you haven’t already, check it out here and take the “Are You a People Pleaser” quiz here.)
This month, we’re featuring The Anticipator.
Who Is the Anticipator?
Have you ever known that person who knows better than you what’s good for you? They may have been an Anticipator. This people pleaser is always thinking about potential problems and working hard not only to fix them, but to prevent them from ever occurring in the first place. The Anticipator is thoughtful, alert, and seemingly selfless. However, they can also be quite annoying. When you’re around an Anticipator, you might feel as if you’re being bulldozed, parented, or bossed around. You might also feel it would be bad form to complain about their behavior because they are always doing so much for others.
So what if you are the Anticipator? If you’ve never been told, how can you know?
Am I an Anticipator?
Do any of the following statements sound like you?
If I know one person at an event has a dietary restriction, I will make absolutely sure everyone else attending knows not to bring that type of food.
I’m constantly reminding others to leave on time or not to forget about an upcoming scheduled event.
When I know someone in the group doesn’t have cash to spare at the moment, I will offer to pay or suggest we change plans to keep the cost down.
I often find myself saying or thinking things like, “That’s fine, but it’s not going to work for so-and-so.”
From Anticipating to Considering
For the Anticipator, the common denominator between the above statements is that they rarely or never stop to ask anyone else how they feel about the situation first. They simply see a potential problem and take action. It might appear, to themselves and others, that they are indeed very considerate people. They think of everything and everyone.
While it’s important to consider someone’s needs, it’s also important to consider how they feel. Consider that their tastes, circumstances, and limitations may have changed from the last time you discussed them. Consider that they may not want the group to be aware of these factors. They may feel embarrassed to know others altered plans or bent over backwards for their sake. On the other hand, they may greatly appreciate your efforts, but equally appreciate being asked first.
The truly considerate don’t just assume; they ask.
Need Some Support as You Move toward Being More Considerate?
Therapy can help you learn to listen to others before speaking for them. If you think you could use a hand identifying and understanding your people pleasing tendencies, I’m Ashley Pichardo, a licensed mental health counselor, and I’m here to help. When you’re ready, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
