Are the Stages of Grief Real?
Have you ever heard of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grief? You probably have. For many years they were everywhere, and people still talk about them often. The stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These five stages of grief are pervasive in popular culture, and they are often referenced as if they are a step-by-step guide to grieving. However, Kubler-Ross developed these stages of grief as a theory to better understand how people work through the emotions that occur following a loss. This could be the loss of a loved one through death, but it can also be other kinds of loss like the end of a relationship or even retiring from your job. In this blog, we’ll take a look at the stages of grief and why they are an important construct to help people understand the complexity of grief. We’ll also reflect on the importance of making space to grieve in your own way.
Moving Beyond the Stages of Grief
While the stages of grief helped therapists and the people experiencing loss to understand the variation in emotions that arise from grief (no it’s not just sadness), it’s important to remember that the stages of grief are not an outline to be followed. Instead, they tell us that every person grieves differently. Some people will experience all five of these stages of grief. Some will experience more than five stages of grief. Others will simply feel sad before accepting their loss and moving on. The stages of grief are a construct that allows us the space to understand that grief is complicated. You won’t necessarily go through each stage of grief, and that’s okay.
Managing Emotions Related to Grief & Loss
It’s okay to struggle with emotions related to grief and loss. In fact, it’s perfectly natural. Loss can be difficult to work through, and that’s okay. If you’re having a tough time with grief and loss, we’ve compiled some tips to help you manage the complicated emotions of grieving:
Don’t ignore your pain. Ignoring pain won’t make it go away, and it’s more likely to come up again later.
Do embrace your emotional response. Recognizing, accepting, and processing the emotions that arise during grieving is essential.
Don’t judge your response. Anything you’re feeling is okay. If you’re not crying, that’s okay. If you can’t stop crying, that’s okay too.
Do grieve however you want for as long as you want. There is no time limit or right way to grieve.
Don’t forget the rest of your life. It can be hard to make time for the things you used to enjoy. You may feel guilty for “moving on” after a loss, but it’s okay to make time to live your life while continuing to hold space for grief.
Do talk to your loved ones about what you’re going through. When you talk about your experience with grief and loss, you can begin to externalize these emotions, which will lessen their intensity.
The Role of Therapy in the Grieving Process
At the end of the day, the most important thing to remember as you grieve is that you are doing it right. However you’re grieving a loss, it’s the right way for you. If you have a tough time managing your grief or you feel the grieving process is adversely impacting other areas of your life, therapy may be a beneficial option. During therapy sessions, you can make time to explore the impact of grief, develop skills to cope with the complex emotions, and begin taking steps toward finding joy in your life again. If you’re interested in learning more, I’d love to hear from you. I’m Ashley Pichardo, a licensed mental health counselor serving New York and New Jersey residents. When you’re ready to get started with therapy sessions, please take a few minutes to reach out to me by calling (917) 522-1418, emailing contact@apichardotherapy.com, or completing my online scheduling request.
