The Empowering Impact of Self-Acceptance
Most people would say that they accept and embrace parts of themselves. Their strength, resilience, confidence, inner and outer beauty, and other so-called “positive” characteristics, but true self-acceptance is all about learning to love the parts of yourself that you hide from other people and even those you try to hide from yourself. Do you talk loudly? Are you quick to get angry? Do you get really annoyed with your kids? Guess what, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It just means you’re a person. Learning to accept even the parts of ourselves that we don’t like can be truly empowering.
What Is Self-Acceptance?
Have you ever been really “in love?” You know, the puppy dog eyes, the other person can do no wrong, rose-colored glasses kind of love? It’s easy to fall into that kind of blind love with other people because we don’t know them or their many quirks and annoying habits. As we get to know the other person, true love means still finding them perfect and loving even those parts of them that are annoying or frustrating. This is the kind of true acceptance and love that we should all strive to develop for ourselves. Self-acceptance is looking at those things about ourselves that we feel aren’t perfect with love and kindness. Instead of constantly focusing on “bad” habits or changing who we are, we say, “I’m always late. I can try my best to be on time when it really matters or I don’t want to let down a loved one, but even when I still show up late, that’s okay. I’m doing my best.” You notice I said you can still work on yourself. If there are goals you want to set and things you want to change, that’s oaky. Self-acceptance is about being okay with who you are now and who you want to be in the future.
Why Is Self-Acceptance Important?
Stress is an epidemic in the U.S. Seriously. There’s an entire group of researchers who study the effects of stress on people every year. They put out what’s called the Stress in America Survey annually. It’s probably not surprising to hear that stress levels are on the rise. What you may be surprised to hear is how much of that stress is coming from inside the house so to speak. Women especially struggle with intrinsic sources of stress like perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and feelings of failure to meet some personal or cultural standards. All of these sources of stress are closely linked to self-acceptance – or a lack of self-acceptance. Constantly striving is all good, but self-acceptance can help reduce stress and eliminate things like perfectionism and imposter syndrome that make working hard to achieve goals feel more important than our own health and happiness.
Another reason self-acceptance is so important is because of the role it plays in our resilience. Our minds and bodies work hard to protect us. One way that this happens is by creating “what if” questions. “What if I had done one thing differently? Would it have mattered? Could I have changed the outcome of this situation?” These questions are the mind’s way of seeking control in areas of our lives where we are otherwise powerless. True self-acceptance gives us the resources to hear those self-doubting questions, recognize them as the defense mechanism they are, and remind ourselves that we have done our best and our best was enough. Even when we haven’t done our best, what we could do was enough because we are always enough. This type of true, radical self-acceptance allows us to increase resilience to “bounce back” after tough times and press forward when life throws us curve balls.
How Can I Practice Self-Acceptance?
Real self-acceptance starts with one seemingly simple thing – become more authentic. But what does that even mean? Here are some simple daily practices that can help you begin to increase self-acceptance and feel more authentic:
Start a journal and write down one belief you hold each day. Think about whether these beliefs are truly authentic to you or if they are based in someone else’s (family, friends, coworkers) values or morals. Take time to self-reflect and really evaluate the beliefs you hold and give yourself permission to let go of those beliefs that don’t feel authentic to you.
Set boundaries. Boundaries are important. They keep us safe, sane, and healthy. Setting boundaries is as simple as learning what makes you feel safe and satisfied, letting those around you know what you need, and reminding yourself that it’s okay to walk away if someone doesn’t respect the boundaries you set.
Do some affirmations. I know it sounds cheesy, but the way we talk about ourselves can really make a difference in how we feel. You can find lists of affirmations online, but I’ve always found it’s more impactful to create your own list of affirmations that feel real to you.
Interested in Working with a Therapist?
Self-acceptance doesn’t always feel comfortable. If you’re struggling with self-acceptance or you just want to make some changes, I hope you will consider talking with me. I’m Ashley Pichardo, a licensed mental health counselor serving New York and New Jersey residents. If you’re interested in learning more about therapy, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.
