The Benefits of Personalizing Your Perfectionism
The Benefits of Personalizing Your Perfectionism
Perfectionism is something we seem to be hearing about more and more often. There are numerous theories about the rise in perfectionism. From social media creating unrealistic pressure for us to lead the perfect life to complex trauma beginning in childhood, there are as many theories for the “why” of perfectionism as there are perfectionists. Regardless of the reason for perfectionism, it is a thing that impacts many people, and it can make managing daily life obstacles unnecessarily stressful, frustrating, and downright exhausting. By encouraging my clients to reassess and redefine perfectionism, I help them move beyond the negative thinking, feeling, and acting cycles that leave them believing like they’re not good enough or they’re not doing enough. In this blog, I’ll go through some of the many benefits of personalizing your perfectionism to avoid falling into the trap of striving from some unrealistic version of perfection that will never make you happy.
What is Perfectionism?
Striving for perfection and self-improvement is supposed to be a good thing right? So, why is perfectionism considered a bad thing? The problem with perfectionism is that it’s highly judgmental, self-critical, focused on the approval of other people, and neglects to take into account the individual’s personal happiness and wellbeing. Additionally, perfectionists can limit themselves by only doing things they can “win.” If there’s no hope of being the best at something, perfectionists might never try it – even if that thing could be the most enjoyable and fulfilling for them. Perfectionism also leads to potentially toxic levels of competitiveness and other issues in relationships with others.
Harnessing the Power of Perfectionism
However, there are some benefits to perfectionism. Being a perfectionist often means individuals have a drive to succeed, they work hard, they’re committed to achieving their goals, they strive to do better, and they encourage others to be their best. Rather than being overwhelmed by the negative results of perfectionism, people can work to harness these strengths of perfectionism. One simple way to maximize the positive benefits of perfectionism is to redefine perfect based on your own personal goals, needs, and desires. You may hear this referred to as monogramming or personalizing your definition of perfection. Monograming your “perfect” means you don’t have to win every time, be the best, or achieve what you think others would consider perfection. Instead, you can create your own definition of perfection in any situation, especially if you notice you’re struggling with some of the negative effects of perfectionism.
The best way to redefine your perfect is to start identifying, in the moment when perfectionist thinking occurs, and work to change your definition of general perfection to something more specific to you. Here some examples:
At work – you may find yourself focusing on doing specific projects better or more quickly than your peers. Rather than focusing on how your performance compares to others, consider how your job performance benefits your personal career goals. Does completing the project using a specific platform prepare you for similar projects at higher levels in the company? Can you use the project as an opportunity to network with specific coworkers instead of competing with them?
At home – your social media accounts are filled with stories from people who seem to have perfect, happy lives. Rather than striving for a life that looks perfect on Instagram, take time to define what your “perfect” life, the life that will bring you happiness and fulfillment, looks like. Do you want to exercise more, try new foods, make new friends, start a new hobby? Create a definition of your perfect life – free from the influence of anyone else’s idea of what perfect means.
In relationships – have you always wanted that picture-perfect, fairy tale romance? Always chasing the romantic moments that only happen in romance novels? Rather than some nebulous fantasy idea of romance, create a definition of your truly prefect relationship. What do you look for or need from a partner? What kind of a relationship will make you feel satisfied.
Want to Perfect Your Anti-Perfectionism Routine? Let’s Talk
I know I’m certainly guilty of going too far to try to make everything perfect, and I know that the struggle is real. If you’re trying to let go of perfectionism and redefine your own perfect, let’s talk. I’m Ashley Pichardo, a licensed mental health counselor working with clients to understand and adjust their unhealthy, perfectionistic habits in order to lead more satisfying lives. If you’re ready to start making a change, I hope you’ll get in touch soon.
